Sending positive thoughts does nothing for me

There has been a trend, and I first saw it appear on Facebook the last two years I was in college. Someone would say that they were struggling with something, or sad or disappointed, and several people would say, "Praying for you!" Then, there would be that one acquaintance who would say something between "Sending positive thoughts your way," or "Sending light and positive energy to you."

First, that sounds to me like the jokes we make about "You must have brought the rain/snow with you."After I get over that, I think about the flip side... do people think prayer is the same as just a good wish, and that the power is from themselves whether they are thinking, wishing, or praying for someone?

How many times do we just say that we are praying for someone and not doing more than thinking of them for 5 seconds? Ever feel guilty when you receive an update because you totally didn't even remember it again after that first moment after someone shared bad news / a hard situation?

I'm still learning about prayer. I'm not as consistent as I would like to be. I don't spend enough time listening. I'm not perfect. 

And, I know that people mean well when they say what they say. But empty promises of praying for one another changes about as much as a thought. And I don't subscribe to the philosophy that you can change things with just thoughts. God may intervene supernaturally, but there will be action. You yourself may take action. But this physical world primarily is affected by physical action and we hide behind good wishes when we can bring that meal, wash those dishes, and sit by their side.

It will be perfect

As I sat between the socks, new outfits, handmade gifts, blankets, baskets, gift bags, and wrapping paper, I felt so many things. This was different than the other times I'd been in that room.

It was several weeks ago now, but it affected me for days. My husband had just discussed with me when we should put up the crib. I was dead set on December, AND wanted the only "guest bed" (aka futon couch) we had to stay up, too. That's not really reasonable, I realized, but it was the last point that had me feeling like I couldn't let go: We don't know where we'll be - here or somewhere else - until mid January, anyhow.

Why does that even matter to me? Because I was planning on decorating and making a perfect little nursery, and I couldn't wait to start...

And even then, I know I'm not going to have a perfectly coordinated picturesque room. Why?

Well, because I'm doing it. And I mess things up. They don't come out like the magazines. They don't even function half of the time. And who has the space for these Pinterest ideas, anyhow? I have three bookcases lining one wall, and a piano, and a futon couch, and a big reclining chair in that room already.

 Besides, I don't even like pink that much, yet one of my themes is Precious Moments...

These things don't matter. My child's going to all too soon be communicating what she likes, anyhow, and I don't she'll be so boring to only like one thing.

I'm a military wife. I can pick up and go and never even have a nursery, and still raise my child right. If that's how it has to be, it happens that way. Then why do I feel so sad? Maybe because I couldn't even wrap the Christmas present that I was wrapping in that room that day without messing it up, leaving a crumply corner at the top.

But, I don't need a crib set up to start decorating, and I don't need much to organize these tiny outfits and tiny items she'll need at the beginning of her life, whether she spends her first months in this room, or another. So, today, this is all that's done, but it's a start:

Why you can't re-write an article

I've run into this a few times lately on Fiverr.com - people want you to "re-write" something. The different aspects I see that come into play are as follows:

Often the content is very well written, and even well known material, but the client wants to use the information for his own purposes, and doesn't know how to talk about the content himself.

The client may have some specific ideas about what he wants to add or not include, but usually doesn't communicate those things, and then is disappointed that the client didn't know instinctively where he was going with the project.

The client only provides one source, but expects the writer to pull from multiple sources, OR the client doesn't realize it's impossible to write a new article on things that are not common knowledge subjects without research and pulling from other resources. 

For example, re-write the above sentence... there are only so many ways you can say that.

There seems to be a big misunderstanding about what an original idea is, and how writers function. If you're re-writing one sentence, that's one thing... but it's much more productive and much easier to write from a topic (such as: discuss homelessness and veterans) than to say, "Hey, I found this great article on this topic and I want you to rewrite it so I can use it in my book."

Often, I can't even "re-write" a description or a single sentence to a client's satisfaction. How many ways can you say, this product is a mug? I often think I've done well to engage a reader, and I receive back comments such as, "I was looking for something catchy..."

So, re-writing is now a key word I stay away from, because, for me, that means: A client with poorly thought out expectations, with some agenda they aren't sharing, looking for a shortcut to having their own stuff, without creating their own stuff, and expecting me to read their mind and then create awesomeness. That's worth more than the $5 they're usually willing to pay.

I like irony.

I like my life of ironies.

As many pastors and friends have said, "There are no coincidences, just God showing Himself at work in the world." I find irony points me back to the Lord.

I remember reading the definition in my 10th grade literature class. I think I knew what irony was long before that, but I liked that video teacher a lot, and her explanation set my imagination on fire.

It makes a really good story, too - and I like having stories to tell or write. I like making people laugh who really don't expect me to be funny. I like the connection I feel when someone busts out laughing. My best friend Alex always makes me laugh that way, and laughs with me that way.

I can think of lots of examples - I loved coonhounds, but got dachshunds. I got told by my own beloved parakeet to "Go sit on the chair" for time out constantly. I got all A's my first semester of college at 16/17.  I ended up dating a guy I didn't even speak to in high school when he filmed me for my journalism class. I got my first kiss in the rain.  I married my first kiss. I stood up for a kid who was labelled a biter when I pretty much couldn't stand him for other reasons, and now he's my favorite kid I've ever watched. I took a chance despite my anxiety and reconnected with my beloved nephew. Major life events happen while Erik was away at times - like when I scored my favorite job of all time at Net3 Technology. When he finally called, I told him he could get cable - not that I got a job - and made him make the connection and laugh. There are so many more times...

Thank you, Lord, for irony.

Dogs, and habits, and what made me think of both in the same post.

I like dogs. I like cute puppies, my family's lazy old dog that lets my almost 2 year old nephew "play" with him (which looks more like constantly antagonizing him), and a lot of my friend's dogs. Sure, I'm initially afraid of large dogs that I don't know, but that started later in life and I can get over it if it's a nice dog.

But recently, I keep thinking of all of the reasons I don't want a dog, especially right now.

1. I feel clean after I take a shower - and I don't want a dog to drool all over me before I get a chance to go to bed. (Note: Germany never drooled on me unless he was ill, so I'm not saying all dogs have that problem, but I do like hound dogs, and they usually have that problem.)

2. I don't have to worry about who will let my dog out when I decide to stay out a few more hours to get something done.

3. I don't have to worry about what I put in the garbage can and if my dog will shred it across my whole house while I'm not looking.

4. I don't have to buy a fence or pay a pet fee.

5. I don't have to worry about what prize I pick because of knowing my dog will eat it.

Yeah, that last one - I can have nice things and don't have to worry about keeping them out of reach of my dog. Sure, it was a teenage girl who said it, but I was just thinking how confining and all consuming having a dog is! And it's not even a person - I'll do that and more for my baby someday - but I just don't have the kind of routine now that supports having a happy dog.

Maybe someday, but definitely not now.

It somehow made me think about other "pets" we keep. I know sometimes we don't realize just how confining or consuming our habits are. We think all our habits are cute, familiar, even noble. But if we are the masters we won't let our pets run our lives - we will take charge of our pets. It really makes a difference between a well behaved dog and a chaotic life... I'll let you take the interpretation where you want it. Just a thought.

Love Languages?

I never have believed in coincidences.

Yes, we all laughed that the one lady's baby went to the center when I asked who had the Love Language of receiving gifts...and no, that's not mine.

I'm with the majority for once, in that encouraging words are my favorite thing. And tonight, I got confirmation from my husband that I didn't even really know how badly I wanted or maybe even needed. I listened to him list out, for the first time I remember, everything that I've been involved in, and it was like even before he finished the sentence, his support was given with just the mention of these things.

I was determined when we moved to Kansas that I'd do my part to make this a good season of life. I love being at home, and there's lots to do here, but I quickly found I needed at least one or two outside involvement activities to feel connected - especially when Erik's gone.

I quickly found multiple ways to be involved. I wanted to find out what opportunities to get involved there are, and which ones I feel like God wants me to be involved in, so I showed up to everything at first.

Since I made a lot of these decisions about how I spend my time without much input from Erik, I started wondering what he thought, and I'd ask... but it's different than what happened tonight. He initiated the words that I needed to hear. I have to think that God did that in answer to my prayer for my upcoming Fall commitments... I feel so blessed and at peace about those things.

Psalm 91

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

I am with you always

Matthew 28:20 I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

This verse has actually come up at least three times this week at different events, completely unrelated to each other. Ironically, at least two of the events have also mentioned something I talk about all the time: Satan's number one lie is that you're alone. That no one has ever experienced what you're going through right now and that no one understands what it's like. That you're isolated, that you're the only one who has ever sinned this big, that you're the only one on this journey.

Right now I'm doing well, and I haven't felt like that in a very long time. But I will never forget as a teenager and a young adult feeling like that... and how I chose to remember that I wasn't alone, because God understood and never left me. Even when friends left, I wasn't alone.